seductive kisses
seductive kisses

Sometimes, love just ain't enough.

Monday, July 12, 2004
. The weekend was a mixture of everything good and bad.

. Thursday was awful. My sister got a little tipsy and flew off the handle. She wanted to kick my ass. Why? Because that is just the way she is when she drinks alcohol. The next day she called me to say sorry. Of course I said it was okay. What could I say? I still feel sick about it. I really hate to whine, but I am so sick of being everyone's punching bag.

. Friday I went out with my Mom & Dad because they are getting along again this week. We went to a friend's wedding reception. I skipped the wedding. I'm not a big fan of the 'wedding'. It was a good time. Fun was had by all. Then on the way home I decided I wasn't done having fun, so I parted ways with Mom & Dad and headed to a friend's house. En route to this friend's house, I ran into another friend. This 'other' friend is someone I should not hang out with. We get too friendly at times and the rumors start to fly the next day. Regardless, I went to his house. Things got... intimate, but I did not have sex. He didn't want me to leave. I waited until he fell asleep, and then I hightailed it outta there. Why? Because that is what I do.

. Saturday was supposed to be my adventure to Ohio for the outdoor concert. I was going with my ex and several other friends. For those that do not know, my ex and I are best friends, even though we've been broken up for a long period of time. He still feels the need to know each and everything I do. I lie to him sometimes because I don't think its anyones business what I do. And because I do not want to hurt him. So yeah... He calls me in the morning and asks what I did the night before. I tell him I went out with Mom & Dad, and went home with them as well. Well....... seems another one of our friends called him and told him that I was with this 'other' friend the night before. So the ex tells me off, big time. He tells me that I am nothing but a liar, a whore, a slut. All of that good stuff. Then he tells me that I am not going to the concert with him and he never wants to speak to me again. I of course, cannot blame him. I mean... I did lie. But ya know... I can do what I want. I am a legal, single, woman. And we have been broken up for a long time. I can't keep living my life with him as my top priority. It is my life. I know I shouldn't have lied. I know that. But, I really didn't want to hurt him. I feel so bad. I've lost my best friend. It hurts. But maybe it was for the best? I tried to talk to him. I can't. We can't keep living this way when one person feels something that the other does not. What is a girl to do?

. So to drown my sorrows, I went out alone. To drink. To think. To just be alone. But that never works. My aunt found me. We drank, we danced, we giggled. Then we went to a party. There was a pool. We swam in our bra's and underpants. We drank. We stayed in that pool until it was daylight. Then we went home and slept our lives away for 12 hours. That felt good.

. Now I feel like crap again. I miss my best friend. I hate that I hurt him. I hate that I can't make things better for everyone. I hate that I am whining. On my blog. I don't mean to hurt him. I don't. I lie so as not to hurt him. I am an awful person.

. I wrote of all this Sunday and saved it as a draft because I didn't know if I wanted to post it. I still haven't talked to my ex. He doesn't want to talk to me. I cry. I feel bad. I feel lost. I don't know what to do. I want him in my life. He's always been a part of my life. I just don't want him as my boyfriend. Is that selfish of me? Should I just let him go? I want him to be happy, I do. But I thought we could remain friends without it hurting him too much. Maybe I was wrong, again. I cry more. It takes every part of my being not to pick up the phone and call him. Just to say hi. Just to see how he is doing. Just to say I'm sorry again. I know I'll begin to feel better, but that doesn't bother me. I really want to know that he will be okay. I mean, I know that he will. I just want him to tell me that. Does it seem like I want him to relieve me of my guilt? Thats not what it is... its not. I love him. I do. With all that I have. As much as I possibly can. Sometimes, love just ain't enough.

Sometimes, love just ain't enough. by Don Henley & Patti Smyth

Now, I don't want to lose you, but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side.
And I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you, but I don't want to be the one to cry.

And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.


But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

Now, I could never change you, I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.

It makes a sound like thunder, it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.


And there's no way home, when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.

Baby, sometimes, love... it just ain't enough.
Oh, Oh, Oh, No.

. Please be kind when commenting. I know I'm not perfect. |
11:47 PM :: ::
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