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seductive kisses
seductive kisses

Spilling my guts to the world. Or at least the internet.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004
. Enough with the depressing posts already, huh?

. I can't help it. I've just had one really shitty year. And I honestly can't wait for it to be over. First, my sister takes off and abandons her children. So I step up for the 3rd time and I take responsibility for kids that aren't mine. All the while, putting up with the drama of my parents getting divorced after 30 years of marriage. Add to the mix, all the drama from not knowing what to do about my relationship with my ex-fiance. Can we not make it work? Can we make it work? Having to take a semester off from school when I'm still so confused about which way my education is going. Dealing with the illness of my nephew. Then something else and something else, and something else. Leading to another forgotten birthday because there is always something more important. Trying to keep smiling. Trying to never lose hope. Trying to keep going when all I want to do is give up. Praying for guidance, for direction, for help. Waiting for answers that never come. Being so sad on the inside and trying not to let it show on the outside. I'm tired of hiding it. I am sad, I am depressed. Using sex and booze as an escape. Alienating the one person that never lets me down. The one person that gets me, the one person that will always be there and will remember my birthday. The person that I have to let go. Because he deserves better. Because I've put him through enough. Because he deserves to get on with his life. Because it's the right thing to do. Because, because, because...

. Change has got to start sometime. Might as well be today. Here's hoping for ... brighter posts. Brighter days.

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10:47 AM :: ::
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